We had an earthquake last night at about 11pm. It was a 3.8 and scared the crap out of Tammy. At first, the People thought it was someone slamming their door really hard, because people here often do that and the entire building shakes. However, when the shaking did not subside for like 20 seconds, and they didn't hear anyone stomping down the stairs, they decided it was an earthquake. Tammy called the Gammy and woke her up, but the Gammy said she didn't feel it. Trevor and Ally felt it though, and they were also freaked out. I'm glad to say that I survived my first earthquake. I do not look forward to a second, so I hope we never move to California.

Ian asked me the other day why I am so evil. I told him it's just part of the package. He said he would prefer a package that includes less evil and more obedience, so I told him that I was sorry, but I can't unbundle the package. I've got him bent over a barrel, just like the cell phone company!

I've been grounded, because I pooped on Ian's jeans. If he doesn't want them pooped on, he shouldn't leave them laying around on the floor. He knows the floor is my domain!

The Woman has been taking me for a walk every morning. The weather has been beautiful in the mornings, and I am enjoying sending and receiving daily pee-mails. There are some sexy lady dogs in the neighborhood. Well, I hope they're sexy. I haven't actually seen them yet, just received their pee-mails. This pee-mail dating thing is risky though, since the ladies could all be really ugly, or worse, they could be cats! Let's hope not; otherwise, I'll have to close down their accounts.

Speaking of ugly stupid dogs, check out this Frenchy. Can you believe The Woman would trade me for one of those dogs! Sheesh!

I am very disappointed to report that the link I previously shared to the hippo singing the thong song is gone! Where has that happy fat dancing hippo gone? I must find him. brb

OK, I found it somewhere else, so enjoy. Thong, thong, thong, thong, thong!

Mr. Chris sent me an email about the ugliest dog ever. So, I think to myself, how ugly can a dog really be? Maybe it has messed up teeth or ugly fur or big feet or something, but in the end, it's just a dog. Mean-spirited 7th graders refer to people as "dogs" all the time to indicate that they find that person unattractive, so all dogs must be unattractive to a certain extent, right? Wrong. This dog is the ugliest thing on the planet. In fact, it is so ugly, that I doubt it is even from this planet. I apologize if you throw up a little in your mouth. I know Tammy did.

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