Quote of the week:

"I am a fool. I do not know how I have functioned in society for as long as I have."
-Mr. Chris

Sorry, dude. This was just too funny not to blog. Yeah, that's right - I read Tammy's email when she's away from her computer!

Tammy has been giving me the praise lately for being such a good dog. Over and over she tells me how good I am. What she doesn't know is that I just seem to be being good and am actually plotting my revenge against her. I need quiet to think up really good plans for revenge. You see, Mr. Chris (that traitor) bought Ian the World of Warcraft computer game for his birthday (even though it's actually Tammy's birthday - how rude), and so Ian bought Tammy the World of Warcraft game too. And now, all they do is play that stupid game when they aren't working or printing in the darkroom. As you can imagine, I have been very neglected lately. Sure, I have food and water, but a Pug cannot live by food and water alone. I need some play time! If anyone knows how I can sabotage Tammy's computer so she can't play this game any more, please drop me a line. I am looking for a discrete crime that can possibly be blamed on Ian or at least not traced back to me.

It's Earth Day, and it's raining! Asheville is a big tree hugging town, so I'm sure there are a lot of events getting rained out right now. Then again, since they are granola tree huggers, they probably also embrace the freezing cold rain, wind and possibility of tornadoes. Tornadoes have rights too, you know!

The People went to talk to a Real Estate agent today, so our hunt for a house is finally being taken more seriously. Hooray! I hope it has mice like our last house so I have someone to play with! Ian said once we move, I don't get to sleep with them anymore. We'll see about that. If I don't get to sleep next to Tammy, Ghost Dog will show up, and no one will sleep ever again!

Last night Tammy said she wished she knew what Pug dogs thought about all day. I'm sure she thinks she is the inspiration of all my thoughts, but actually, I am usually thinking about world domination and other things related to me being the boss of everyone. Maybe other dogs daydream about snuggling with their owners or chasing squirrels, but I've got higher goals in life, and there's no time for that mamby pamby stuff.

The craziest thing ever happened last Friday. Ian was contracted to do some photography for a brochure at an antique store and met a really nice lady that manages the store. While waiting for the owner, Ian and the manager were chit-chatting, and the subject of "the hell that is this apartment" came up. The lady asked Ian where he lived and he told her in an apartment and that he was trying desperately to buy a house, because the apartment is a nightmare. The lady told him she was in the same position. She said that the people below her are driving her nuts and she dreads coming home at night. Ian said that the people above him are driving him nuts and he too finds any excuse to not be in the apartment. The lady went on to explain how she doesn't like her roommate and how the people below her call the cops on them, call the apartment manager on them and bang on the ceiling. It was at this point that Ian had an "oh crap" sort of moment, because he realized that he was, in fact, the people below this nice lady and this nice lady was, in fact, one of the elephant people making his life a living nightmare. The lady continued to probe Ian with questions about what complex he lives in and what kind of car he drives. They finally admitted that they realized who the other was, and had a candid discussion of how they can stop making each others' lives hell. Is this the freakiest thing ever? This doesn't happen in real life. This happens on Seinfeld. I am weirded out. Needless to say, there was more to their discussion than this, but it ended well, and the elephants have surprisingly stopped stomping so much.

It is a good thing that Tammy was not the one in this situation, because I can bet things in that antique store would have ended up broken. Tammy seriously despises the elephant people, regardless of how nice they are in "real life." Tammy is also a bit perturbed that the stomping has subsided as a result of this meeting but never let up a bit as a result of the apartment manager calling them. They claimed to not be doing anything wrong! Well, apparently they realized that they were in fact stomping around like friggin' Nazis in stomp-training. In defense of the nice lady at the antique store, it was always the big-haired evil elderly-beating roommate who talked to the apartment manager, and she is unfriendly. I know, because I met her once, and I did not like her a bit. She also did not give me any food or kisses, so that may be why I don't like her. But I wouldn't take food or kisses from her anyway, so there. Ok, I really would, but don't tell Tammy.

Speaking of food, we did NOT have upside down pie NOR did we eat pie upside down on reverse pie day, and I am ticked off! PIE!!!!!

The Whitola is moving back to Mobile to go to school at the University of South Alabama. Sucker! Maybe I can move back with her just long enough to groove with the Lady Pug from Foley. That would be sweet. I would then fight for custody of my babies and bring them all to Asheville! Tammy would be pleased with that.

Ian has submitted a t-shirt design to Threadless for judging. Check it out. It's really cool. Beware though, you will become addicted to this website. I know I have.

Happy Reverse Pie Day! Tonight we will eat pie upside down! Hooray!

The sweater Tammy knitted me for my Birthday doesn't fit, so she is selling it on the Internet! It's really pretty, and I wish it fit me, but she is making me a bigger one, so I'm cool!

I am seriously having mixed emotions about this whole living in Asheville thing. I got an email from a Lady Pug in Foley, Alabama this weekend who is quite eager to breed with me ASAP. I could be getting my groove on right now, but I'm not, and I'm quite peeved. It has taken my website almost two years to generate a booty call offer like that, and now I'm not around to enjoy it. Is it going to take another two years to get an offer from a hot Lady in Asheville? I seriously hope not, because I'm quickly approaching my peek performance days, and once they're gone, it's over.

I do love walks in the mountains though. This weekend we went on a hike through the woods, and we heard a big dog barking at me. Tammy was afraid it was loose, so she picked me up and started running. It was quite humorous. She didn't get far though, because it was uphill, and she's out of shape. Ian was going to hit it with a big stick, but we never saw it again. Later, I jumped in a gross muddy pond-like body of water. Tammy was amused and disgusted all at once, because I was cute running around in the water, but the water was really gross. I drank some of it too. It tasted like frog poop. It was hot out, and I had been running, so I needed some cooling off. I was in up to my neck, and I got a bath as soon as we walked into the apartment. It was a good day. Better than breeding with a hot Lady Pug in Foley? I bet not, but I've never pollenated, so I can't say for sure.

A surfer in Lincoln Nebraska is wondering, "If two midgets have a baby will the baby be a midget too?" My first inclination would be yes, but I know better than to trust my inclinations. First, I've already researched this in my November 2004 blog and found that when both parents have Achondroplasia, the risks to their offspring are: 25% normal stature; 50% Achondroplasia; and 25% homozygous Achondroplasia, which is a lethal condition. Also, we were up really late last night because the friggin' upstairs neighbors didn't stop stomping until 2am, and we were watching a show about a dwarf couple who had a regular size daughter and twin boys, one of which was regular size and the other who was a dwarf. I don't remember what channel it was on, or I would send you a link, because it was very interesting. So, surfer in Nebraska, the answer is a 75% maybe.

I put my Birthday picture up on the photos page. Check out Tammy's fuzzy pink scarf. That's the pink thing she was threatening me with while she was knitting it. I am soooo glad that didn't turn out to be a sweater for me.

Just when I thought it was safe to use the word puggle again, some dork from Toronto, Canada had to find my site looking for info on the freakazoid mix-breed puggle. Argh...

I've reorganized and updated my links page. I know, it was a mess, but I'm no html wizard, so I did what I could do with it. I think it looks pretty OK now. And, I've beefed up the Pug-related links to help spread the good word of the Pug. Happy surfing.

We came back from Mr. Chris's house on Tuesday afternoon. It's OK to be home, but I would have preferred to stay with Mr. Chris for at least two more years. I can pee in his house and he doesn't mind, he likes to wake up to my licking him in the morning, Chewbie is usually in the mood for a little puggle action, and many other things I shouldn't put in writing. When we came home, the upstairs elephant neighbors were being really quiet - I think they knew we left because of them and were messing with Tammy's head, giving her false hope that they had moved or died or something. But, after a couple of hours, the stomping began again. Now, things are pretty much back to normal, except Ian hasn't been banging on the ceiling. I guess the "vacation" at Mr. Chris's has refilled his tolerance level. I'm sure he'll be sucked dry of tolerance in a couple of days and start banging on the ceiling again. Fun times.

I am pleased to announce that my struggle with the puggle surfers has ended! Now that I have added the Pug Maintenance page to my site, most of the hits I receive are for Pug health-related issues, like - "pug pimples," "pug maintenance," "pug gland odor," "pug fishy smell," and so on. Actually, most of the hits are related to pug anal gland problems. I didn't realize how stinky Pug butts are to humans! Sorry about that. Anyway, I can now reclaim the verb "to puggle" without worrying about the crazy people who want a pug-beagle mix finding my site and annoying me. So, I look forward to puggling you all in the near future.

I hope you all remembered to spring forward this weekend. Mr. Chris had a "spring forward" brain freeze moment, because his cell phone did not automatically spring forward, and he was convinced that his phone was right, and everyone else was wrong. I laughed at him.

We have been at Mr. Chris's since Saturday afternoon. Tammy is hiding out here from our upstairs neighbors. Eventually we'll have to go back, because we need to get the mail. The funny thing is that she is having trouble working here too, because someone is blaring their annoying music. How do people pay their rent when they don't work but sit at home all day blaring their music or stomping around like an elephant? I'm glad I'm not a person.

I have not blogged since my birthday for many reasons. 1 - I am mad that no one got me anything from my wishlist, so I was playing dead. 2 - I have been really worn out, because I have "amped up" my evil output lately to 600 evilamps and it has really taken a toll. 3 - Due to the amping up of my evil output, Tammy has been really mad at me and won't let me near her computer. 4 - I have been meaning to make a video of me playing soccer with my new ball, but haven't got around to it. I want to blog about my new ball that I got for my birthday, and the video was a key piece of information.

Although I did not get any of the presents on my wishlist, my Birthday went better than expected. I got to go to the Gammy's for a turkey dinner, and Michael Rayl secretly fed me a lot of turkey, which was the highlight of my birthday since Michael Rayl generally does not even acknowledge my existence, let alone give me food. I was almost too stuffed full of turkey to eat my carrot cake, but I somehow found room. Carrot cake is quite good. The People got me a Mr. Mousemms toy, and Tammy is working on making me a new non-gay sweater. The Gammy gave me a Spiderman ball that I can play soccer with. It's fun for a while, but I eventually get tired of being hit in the face with it. I will chew it up and poop it out some day soon.

I have been asked several times for a picture of me in my gay-dog dinosaur sweater. So, since Tammy is knitting me a new sweater, I will reveal the gay-dog sweater to you. Here it is. I think I did the best any dog could do at making it not so gay looking. This picture was taken with Ian's cool new camera phone, which is much nicer than Chris's boring non-camera phone. He tries to pretend like he's not jealous, but I know he is.

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