3-25-05
I got some turkey last night. It was awesome. And, I think Ian is the one who put it in my bowl, which makes it even more tasty, because he never gives me people food. Turkey makes me fart, and since I sleep with my butt in Tammy's face, I doubt she gave it to me. I'm glad I got some of that turkey, because it's that turkey's fault that I did not get to go see The Girlies last night! The Aunt Tia came up to Grandma Billie's house from Atlanta last night at 7:30pm, and we were supposed to go over and visit with her and The Girlies, but the stupid turkey wasn't finished cooking until 8:30pm, and by the time The People ate and cleaned up, it would be too late to visit with them. So, I was pretty ticked off at that turkey, despite it's yummy aroma taunting me all night long while it SLOWLY roasted in the oven for 2 hours. Good thing I got to eat some of it. Otherwise, I would have had to have pooped on the floor.

I'm excited about my Birthday on Sunday. I know I don't get a party due to the Easter conflict, but Tammy mentioned something about a carrot cake last night, and I know I'll get some of that! Woo-hoo! I've never had carrot cake, but I have had regular cake, and I really liked it, so I'm sure carrot cake is good too. And carrots are good for you, so it is also healthy! We should have carrot cake more often!

Today is Good Friday, and after some research, I was glad to find that it does not mean I have to be good. That's a load off my mind! Ken Collins has a couple theories of why this day is called Good Friday, so you can read that for yourself. I won't try to summarize for you, because "good" is not my thing.

3-24-05
Tammy was nicer to me last night. She must have read my last blog entry and seen how ugly she looked in print. We went for a walk in the woods, and I got to run loose. It was great. I smelled lots of smelly smells and even met some new dogs. I got really muddy, so Tammy gave me a bath when we came home, and I crazy-dogged all around the house. Tammy egged it on. It was fun. Crazy dog, Crazy dog!

My Birthday is only 3 days away! I wonder what I'll get!

3-23-05
I have been very bad lately, so Tammy has not let me on her computer. She said some really mean things to me this weekend about hating me and me being ugly. How rude. I hope she doesn't mean it, but she's kind of bi-polar like that. One minute she's talking about how cute and sweet I am, and the next minute she's yelling at me telling me that I am a bad dog and she doesn't want me any more. She says she's going to give me to the first person on the street who will take me, and she doubts they will be as nice as her, and I will end up at the pound or homeless or worse - in a burlap sack floating down the river. I'm not that bad of a dog. Seriously.

I think the upstairs neighbors have been driving her even more mad this week, and that is why she is so touchy. Ian has even started going crazy from them and had to leave the apartment due to their rude stomping. I hope the People find a house for us to move into soon, or I might end up being given away. Like that will solve anything! OK, so maybe it will solve some of Tammy's problems. But she knows she loves me, and she would miss me.

3-17-05
Happy St. Patrick's Day! I found this ASCII art on the Internet. I think it's pretty cool. You should check out that page, because there is some great ASCII art on it. I particularly like the "Fabulous Creatures" page. I think they should add a Pug to their collection. That would be cool.

                          ***          ***
                       ***....**     **...***
                      **........** **.......**
               ***    **..........*.........**    ***
            **.....**  **..................**  **.....**
          **.........**  **..............**  **.........**
         *..............*   *..........*   *..............*
          **..............*   *......*   *..............**
            **..............** *....* **..............**
              *......................................*
            **..............**........**..............**
          **..............*    *....*....*..............**
         *..............*    *........* ...*..............*
          **.........**    *............* ...**.........**
            **.....**   **...............**....**.....**
               ***    **...................**.....***
                    **...........*...........**....*
                     **.........* *.........** *......*..*..*
                       *......**   **......*     *........*
                         **  *       * **           *...*
                                                       *

3-15-05
Yesterday was pi day, but I refused to acknowledge it, because Tammy is a dork, and I knew I wasn't getting any of that pie anyway! I am now acknowledging that I didn't acknowledge it on purpose to yank Tammy's chain, and I'm still not getting any of that leftover pie! Stupid nerds.

Chewbie needs a make-over. So, I'm giving her a new look. I want to to soften Chewbie's look a bit ~ out with the, "I just rolled in something dead" look and in with something a little more appealing. Check out her wishlist for her Ultimate Make-over Extravaganza! Note that there are no edible treats on this wishlist. Part of the Ultimate Make-over Extravaganza is Chewbie dropping some pounds. That's right, this isn't one of those plastic surgery and liposuction make-over shows. This is one where you bust your butt on the treadmill for 6 months. Good luck, The Chewb!

3-14-05
Regardless of what other people tell you or you read on the Internet, Pomeranians are vicious dogs. This bear didn't have a chance against the angry jaws of the savage Orange Sable! Look as she performs a victory dance on his unpunchables, and he is rendered defenseless!

I have learned three things about the people of France from reading the statistics on my website at statcounter. First, people in France love the "Average Joe" show, as I have received numerous hits from Frenchies searching for info on this show. Second, people in France can't spell the word "loser," as all the hits I have received from the Frenchies looking for info on the "Average Joe" show include the strings "love looser Melana." Note the extra 'o' in case you too cannot spell this word. (except Mr. Chris who misspells this word on purpose to annoy a group of people that will remain unnamed in an effort to keep Tammy's current job) And finally, people in France don't know the name of this show. It's right there in the title for pugness sake! "Average Joe!" Yet they continue to search for info on this show using the words "love looser Melana." Perhaps the show is named something else in France. Maybe it's named "Love Looser Melana." Maybe I am the idiot on this one. I doubt it though. We are talking about France, after all.

However, of all the things I have learned from reading the statistics on my website at statcounter, the biggest thing I have learned is that Pugs have really stinky butts and humans do not appreciate the stench. I have received so many hits from people looking for information on how to tame the rank odor that I cannot keep track of them all. I knew I had a stinky butt, but I didn't realize it was that bad for Pugs all over the world. Man, I really feel for you People. I wish your butts smelled worse, then maybe you wouldn't be so uptight about our butts smelling bad. Maybe you could bathe yourselves as often as you bathe us. That would probably do the trick. Once a month bathing anyone? Not you, Frenchies!

I do apologize if any Frenchies' feelings were hurt in the making of this blog entry. I need to make fun of someone, and you were the target of choice today. I'll try to focus on the British tomorrow. Maybe I'll do a tooth-brushing expose or something.

3-11-05
Blue Chewb ... You saw me standing alone ... Without a Pom in my heart ... Without a Lady Pug of my own ... Blue Chewb ... Mr. Chris sent me a troubling website about Blue Merle Pomeranians. Just when I thought the Pomeranian breed couldn't be more gay ... Except Chewbie of course - she is the one cool Pom on the planet. OK, I guess that Devil-dog Angel is OK too. And the late Cocoa, but only those three. The rest are stupid and their dingle-berry butts are stupid.

I found a great website on Pug ownership. Here is my favorite quote, "If you get a Pug, expect it to be at your feet and under your feet all the time. Not once in a while, or during meal time…all the time. A Pug will follow you, everywhere. Some people find this endearing, other people find it maddening or at least occasionally annoying." Maddening ... that's accurate! These people know their Pugs!

I am a little ticked off today, because I just realized that Daylight Savings Time starts on my Birthday. That means my Birthday will be one hour short of a whole day. I am getting ripped off! I'm sure some presents would make me feel better.

3-08-05
Today is International Women's Day! Bring on the Ladies! (5 minute lapse) Hello? Ladies? (5 more minute lapse) Crap. I don't think this holiday means what I think it means. Let me consult the trusty Internet to find out what time the International Ladies will be arriving at my door. ... ... ... OK, bad news guys. According to some website I found, "International Women's Day (IWD) is a major day of global celebration for the economic, political and social achievements of women." What fun. No lanterns, no kites, no silly sayings that make no sense. I imagine a load of pie charts and overhead projectors. This holiday is even crappier than the other holidays I previously reported on. When will there be an International Stud Pug day? Never. That's when. Because this world is unfair. Well, at least I don't pay taxes.

I realize I was being quite over the top yesterday in regards to my being evil and not getting to do "fun" things. First of all, being evil is fun. Secondly, the cost of being good ALL the time is FAR greater than the benefits I will get from it. For example, I would have had to have been good ALL YEAR in order to see The Girlies for one hour this weekend. That just doesn't add up. And finally (and most importantly to you readers), being good does not make for an interesting blog. So, in the best interest of my readers, I will continue to pursue evil. Maybe if Ian would let me have a soul, I would have chosen a different path, but he won't let me have one, so here I am - lifting my leg on his new Mac laptop (it's so sexy!).

3-07-05
I am at a crossroads in my life. I am an evil dog, and I enjoy the havoc I wreak on the lives' of The People, but it appears I am missing out on a lot. Good dogs get to go places and do more things than I get to do. I want to do things. I don't like being locked in my room all night, but I also don't want to be a sell-out. I have some serious soul-searching to do. Ian says I don't have a soul, so this could be more difficult than I anticipated.

I missed out on so many fun things this weekend, because I cannot be trusted at other peoples' houses. Friday was the Gammy's Birthday. Granny, Grandaddy, Aunt Nita, Uncle Michael, Tia, Edward and the Girlies all came up to surprise her, but I did not get to see any of them, because I am not allowed at the Gammy's or Grandma Billy's due to my peeing on the floor problem. I was also not allowed to go to the Gammy's Birthday party due, in part, to my bad behavior. This sucks. I don't wanna be good!

On a more different kind of note, Tammy "accidentally" dyed me pink with her hair color this weekend. She was being really messy, and I got in her line of fire, and now my backside has pink splotches all over it. I also tracked it around the house and got the carpet pink. Tammy was not pleased, but it was her fault, because she was not being careful. But now I'm pink, and I feel really gay. Maybe my dinosaur sweater will hide my shame. Can it be? There is something more gay than the dinosaur sweater?!!?? Being pink?!!? Yes, I think it is.

3-03-05
Happy Birthmonth to me! Happy Birthmonth to me! Happy Birthmonth, Mr. Norman! Happy Birthmonth to me! Hooray! It's finally my Birthmonth! In case you're not sure what to get me, I created a wishlist at Amazon. Don't be shy now - my Birthmonth only comes around once a year! Unfortunately for me, my actual Birthday falls on Easter this year. That means no party for me, because we will be celebrating Easter instead. Now I know how all those poor pooches born on Christmas feel. At least Easter is a floating holiday, so maybe I'll get a party next year. You should feel sorry for me and buy me a present from my wishlist! Come on, cheer me up a little!

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