I am having a party this weekend for my 3 year birthday. It's at 5pm on Saturday. You're totally invited as long as you bring me a gift and you are not a neutered dog. Neutering freaks me out. Hopefully, Chris and the Chewb will be there too! Not that anyone would come just to see them - I'm not like trying to sweeten the deal or anything - I was just mentioning it because I am excited to see them. Anyway, you can expect to see Tammy trying to make me wear a stupid party hat and me totally not wearing the stupid party hat. How do I know? In the words of an insightful red-neck at the "Santa Claus II" movie, "I can just see these things." Chewbie will probably wear the stupid party hat, because she craves attention from Tammy that does not stem from her peeing on Tammy.
Chris is going back to his old job, which means he is going to move into a different apartment which means I need to get my Pug butt up there and christen his new pad. We can't have his place not smelling like Pug pee, that's for sure! Chewbie sent me a pee-mail that said she and Chris might be coming down this weekend. That would be super cool given the crappy week I have had so far. Pee-mails take longer to get to Mobile than e-mail, because pee-mail travels by automobile and occassionally by stray squirrels or other sub-level rodent life (like cats).
The "American Idol" show really sucked last night. Tammy didn't make me watch the whole thing, but what I did have to watch was pretty bad. The Fantasia Barrino lady scares the crap out of me. I hope she never comes to my house, because I will not play with her. I love the Jon Peter Lewis guy, because he reminds me of Flyin' Bryan, and he is a Pug lover from way back. Although Jon Peter had a really sorry performance last night, I am still pulling for him. La Toya London shouldn't even be on this show - she should be in my CD collection instead. Truthfully, I probably wouldn't buy her music, because I am not into the hip-hop, but this show is way below her. I don't like this show, but if I am going to be forced to watch it, I am going to at least have an opinion. But I must admit that the darkroom was a welcome reprieve last night.
Last night I turned on the "Average Joe : Adam Returns" show and hid the remote from Tammy! I knew she wouldn't get off her butt to change the channel and I could watch my show for a change. Anyway, Adam was quite a weenie last night when he sent away the hotties that his tubby friends brought him for fear of hurting the other girls' feelings. Tammy thought it was so sweet of him and that he had so much integrity, but I don't know what that word means, so I stand by my weenie theory. His friends went through a lot of trouble to find him hot dumb girls. The least he could have done was jump in the hot tub with them for a while! Anyway, the show was still pretty good. Adam is struggling with his desire to make out with all the girls without jeopardizing his relationship with any of them. Silly dude ... even I know that is going to blow up in his face, especially since he ticked off the producer by sending away the hotties!
This weekend the People actually did more than lay around on the couch eating bon-bons and yelling at me to go clean the kitchen and get them cold ones. On Saturday morning, Tammy and I went for a jog, but she got so tired she had to lay down in an empty lot. It was embarassing, so I tried to stay back from the road so no one would see I was with her. Then these new people, the Philleys, came over for a couple minutes and I ran and played with the guy Philley. I didn't catch his first name. The People set up their Art Show tent, and I sat in the tent showing them how good I would be if only they would give me a chance and let me come to a show, but it did not work.
The People cleaned out one of the nasty overgrown flowerbeds in the back yard. There were lots of leaves and pine needles and weeds in it. When they raked away all the crap and pulled up all the weeds, there were lots of toad houses underneath! Tammy loves toads, so she was quite pleased. Then they carried bricks from an old structure of sorts in the back yard up to the house and made another flowerbed in the big flowerbed. I got all excited, because I thought it was a place for me to entertain my ladies; however, the People filled it with dirt, and ladies don't like dirt. Then Tammy made Ian dig up some green leafy plants from the back yard and plant it in the flowerbed. It looks nice, but I still need to get up in there and pee on it just to break it into the neighborhood of Norman. They also bought some other flowers, but they aren't blooming yet. I'll pee on them at the first sign of green though!
We also went over to Derek's house to play some video games. He doesn't have a dog, so I was pretty bored. Tammy is trying to get him to get a dog, but he is wishy-washy about the whole thing. I'm like, look, if Mr. Chris can take care of a dog, anyone can do it. Even though Chewbie often times has afflictions like "leper paw" and "geoduck tail" I think she is still a success story. It's not like she has jumped out of the car window while going down the road. Wait a minute, she has done that. Maybe Chris shouldn't have a dog after all. Or, maybe Derek should have Chewbie. Yeah, that would work, and she's already well broken in! It does, however, take a "special" kind of guy to own a Pom, and I don't know if Derek has that "special thing" Chris has.
I was hit with a double whammy last night! The People started the night out in the darkroom and finished it playing the Balder's Gate game! It was a bad night for the Pug. I did, however, eat a bowl of sour cream when they weren't looking. I looked cool with my sour cream soul patch!
Ian finally took out the trash last night. It was piled up to the ceiling and leaning over threatening to tumble on me. I barked at him to take it out for like three nights, and he just ignored me! The Sim's game taught me the "nag about house" interpersonal communication, and I think I have been putting it to good use!
I think we are going over to some Derek guy's house this weekend. Ian probably doesn't know I was invited, but I was, and I'm going! I hope he likes me. I get nervous when meeting new people, because I really want them to let me lick them and bite them on the hand. I also hope he is whimsical and has a rotund tom-boy Pomeranian named Chewbie. And maybe his name is really Mr. Chris, but he changed it to Derek because it is more appealing to the ladies. A Pug can dream...
The People went to their Bible study last night and were gone for a long time, and it made me realize that I would rather be sitting with the People while they play Balder's Gate than be sitting alone without the People. It also made me realize that I could really put some of the Balder's Gate knowledge to use. For instance, if I could just find a rune stone, I could turn my "Fine Tug" into a "+1 Superior Tug of Terror" or, if I could find a rune stone and a ruby or moonstone or some gem thingy, I could turn my "Fine Piggy" into a "+5 Master Piggy of Pestilence!" That would be super cool! Also, if I defeat enough "enemies" with puggling, I get to level up some of my favourite characteristics! I think I will level up my cuteness since it seems to be my most powerful weapon. I'm almost full up on cuteness though, so I'm going to have to start working on some of my other traits! Maybe mind control or something like that, or maybe some kind of magical spell that summons the undead to help me puggle the People! Or, I could beef up my endurance so I can play fetch longer. I should probably beef up my toughness so I don't get eye ulcers so easily. So many options, so little points! I better get to work so I can level up again soon! Where are those people when I need to do some puggling??!?
On another note, I see that someone found my website via the search string "purebreed puggle". This, people, is an oxymoron. A puggle is not a breed! It is a franken-dog, a mutt at best! I pride myself in the fact that my site is #1 on the MSN search engine for the search string "puggle dog", because that makes me the first line of defense against tainting the royal bloodline of Pugs everywhere! If you want a Pug, get a Pug. If you want a Beagle (for whatever strange reason), get a Beagle! Stop the insanity of mixing the two and trying to convince yourselves through whatever sick reasoning that it is a "breed."
Since I am ranting, let's discuss my newfound distaste for dogster.com. I know I previously advocated the site and encouraged you all to sign up for your own (or your dog's own) page on their site, but I am changing my tune, because they LOST my webpage! I tried to go check it out and see if anyone else has added me to their favourites list, and my page was gone without explanation! How can you lose a webpage? I think Angel is at work here yet again, and I want NOTHING to do with any organization that would be bribed or otherwise suckered by a dog like her. So, if you have a page there, I recommend hitting the DELETED button!
I did not get to watch the premiere of "Average Joe : Adam Returns" last night, because the people were playing the stupid Balder's Gate video game. I think I prefer the darkroom to the video games! At least in the darkroom, Tammy pays a little bit of attention to me while Ian is printing, but when they are playing the stupid video games, I am nothing to her!!
Somehow I managed to injure my eye again, so Tammy is putting the drops and goo in my eyes three times a day. I used to fight her, but I let her do it now, because I know it makes my eye feel better. I am seriously turning into a pansy. Look Chris - Pansies! That is an inside joke, and one that Chris does not find funny, but Tammy really enjoys. I bet she is doing her man laugh right now.
Whitola (formerly known as Alli's sister) came over last night, and it was a surprisingly good time. Usually, she is all like, "Blah - blah - blah - bad dog" or "Blah - blah - blah smelly dog." But last night she was fetching and tugging and calling me Diddle this and Diddle that. Sure, she still pushed me off the couch every now and then for no good reason, but she is definitely getting soft for the Pug. That brainwashing over Christmas has really paid off. Before she knows it, I'll be licking her toes and giving her "kiss-kiss" whenever I want! And trust me, I want pretty often ...
I am so excited! I saw a preview for a new show on Fox - Average Joe : Adam Returns! Woo-hoo! They're bringing back the Adam guy who was dissed by the Melana chic in favour of the doh-doh bird pretty boy! Apparently a lot of women responded like I did when he was rejected by the dumb lady, and they want to meet him. That guy is so great: He is a giver. I wonder if he is interested in a dog... A dog like me... I want some of what he has to give. Wait - that sounded a little fruity. Oh well, I just love Adam!!! I hope he finds a nice Pug-loving woman!
I just have to share with you the quote of the day on Tammy's Pug calendar. "Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent ... (yadda yadda yadda)" - Milan Kundera. I really think Milan Kundera has never actually met a living, breathing dog, but has just read about them or surfed the web looking at pictures of dogs, because this person is way off. Let's start with the easy one - jealousy. Dogs do not know jealousy? This is absurd! Have you ever given two dogs each one treat at the same time? They are more interested in taking the treat from the other dog than eating the treat they have! If that isn't jealousy, then I don't know what is! Dogs don't know discontent? Then why do I tear the house apart when the People leave me? Why do I poop on the floor when locked on the porch? Why do I bark uncontrollably when I am not being played with? These are all of course rhetorical questions. I don't expect an answer, because I know the answer ... I am discontent! If you have read any portion of my blog, I probably don't even need to go into the Evil department, but I will anyway. I bark at Tammy for no good reason - it's just the evil bubbling up inside of me and erupting into a fury of barking rage! This Milan person either has a freaky view of paradise, was locked up in a psychiatric ward for his inability to live in reality, or this quote was improperly translated from some other language into English. Maybe there are some "nots" missing from the quote. "Dogs are so not our link to paradise. They don't not know evil or jealousy or discontent ..." - Milan Kundera. There - that looks much more accurate.
Tammy was gone all weekend to a Ladies' Retreat. I wonder if there were Lady Pugs there too. Probably not, unless she was able to wash their scent off really well. She was really tired when she got home, so we took a nap on the bed. Ian even saw me on the bed and didn't kick me off. It was pretty cool. He looked at me, and I looked up innocently and wagged my little tail at him gently. I'll be sleeping in the bed all the time by the end of the week!
I mostly puggled Alli all weekend. She won't let me sleep with her though. She doesn't like puggy poots. Bummer ...
Although Cousin Jeremy does not let me sleep with him or lick his face, I really like him, because he does not easily tire of fetch and tug. I think he can stay in the family ~ for now at least. He did poke me in the eye though, so maybe I should reconsider my decision. We'll see how things go tonight - figuratively speaking that is, because I have a poked eye and cannot see ...
Tammy was running around the yard like an idiot a couple of times last week, and I was like, "What is this weirdness about?" She is still running around the yard every morning this week, so I guess this is a new thing she does. She is so weird. I like to run around with her. It makes me feel silly and young again.
An exciting week of company crept up on us right out of the blue! Ian's cousin Jeremy is going to be here tonight until Saturday morning, and Alli will be here Friday morning until Tuesday! I am so excited! I hope I get a bath before the company arrives, because I am stinky, and Alli will probably not want to sleep with a Stink Pot dog.
In other news, the People are scheduled to do 5 Art Shows this Spring. That is a lot of time in the darkroom for the poor little Pug, and I won't even get to go to the shows, I'm sure. Woe is the Pug. The Pug is Woe.
Today I am much in the mood to rant. My topic of ranting - Midgets on TV. First let me tell you how much Tammy loves to watch midgets on the television. Her favourite "Austin Powers" movie is the one with Mini-Me in it, and she started watching the "Passions" soap opera because of Timmy (who was also the little Grinch in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and the comical lawyer in "Allie McBeal" that sobbed like a baby when he was losing a case ~ I think the frighteningly skinny Allie lady punted him across the courtroom once). Anyway, Tammy loves midgets. So, when she saw the advertisement for the Fox show, "The Littlest Groom," she was especially excited, because she would get to watch the everyday lives of midgets for many weeks to come! You can only imagine her horror to learn that it was only a two episode event. OK, maybe you can't imagine it, because she is quite looney, and if you don't know her, you wouldn't be able to envision a woman stalking around the house complaining that a show about midgets only lasted two weeks. But anyway, she was ticked for whatever reason. And she was all the more ticked that they brought on "normal sized" women to try to steal the Littlest Groom from the little women. They were trying to turn this thing into an "Average Joe" concept where the little women are not as enticing as the "normal sized" women. Tammy and I both found it very rude that the awful producers of this show would make the little women feel so bad about themselves. They are anti-midgetites. We were also ticked at how incredibly low budget this show was. Midgets deserve better. We had to watch that Melana girl run around for months in the lap of luxury with all her Boy Toys, and the midgets get only two days at the frenchin' Holiday Inn? OK, so they weren't actually at the Holiday Inn - It was a Holiday Inn Express. OK, I'm lying again, but I am just trying to make a point. The midget show was not treated equally compared to the other shows not featuring midgets, and I find it an insult to little people everywhere! I demand a sequel - "The Littlest Groom II," that runs for the same amount of time as the crappy "Average Joe" shows and operates on a comparable budget. And for badness sake, give the girls normal sized bouquets. Those mini-bouquets were just insulting!
Speaking of midgets, I was watching "Blind Date" on the WB the other night, and these two midgets went out on a blind date, and the guy was driving an SUV. If you know how midgets reach the pedals of cars, please let me know, because I am interested in this. I could use this info to hook me up with some Lady Pugs. Who could resist a Pug in an RX300 cruising the streets? Oh yeah ladies, there's plenty of room for you all!
So, there is this really crappy show on the WB that the People watch when they are really desperate for some television and there is absolutely nothing else on the television. Anyway, the show is called, "Angel" and it is about this Vampire trying to turn good for whatever reason a Vampire would turn good. This show got me thinking about the meanie butt White Dog, Angel. Maybe she is a Vampire Dog trying to turn good, but I am such a scrumptious morsel of a dog that she can barely fight back the temptation to eat me, so she yells at me to, "Go Away before I have to eat you!" I can't believe she just doesn't like me, so there has to be a more rational explanation, like she is a recovering Vampire Dog. That makes much more sense.