I learned that if I "humble" myself to the people I get what I want more often. Like last night, I wanted some popcorn, so I said to Mr. Ian, "I'm not the boss, give me some popcorn." And he gave me some popcorn - all because I let him know that I know I'm not the boss. I really am the boss though. I am just playing those people for suckas! This morning, Tammy told me to stop licking her, and I said, "I'm not the boss, let me lick you." She didn't want to let me keep licking her, but I did anyway, all because I'm not the boss. I'm starting to like not being the boss.
My server was totally hit by some loser's attempt at a DOS attack. That is just rude. Why would you want to keep people from viewing my site ~ unless <gasp> ~ ANGEL!! Did you do it? I will GET REVENGE on you - you dog from the depths of the Earth! Wait - that's me. Anyway, I don't know where you're from, but I HATE YOU, and I will make you pay! Unless, of course, the next time I see you you decide that you want to play with me, in which case, all is forgiven.
Last night when Tammy was doing laundry (it's about time btw), I found a gross dead thing under the hot water heater. All that is left of it is a long black tail and some grey fur. It is totally gross! Tammy says it's a rat - yuck-yuck Norman, yuck-yuck. That's how she tells me to leave things alone. Anyway, the thing looks like it imploded or something. I don't know how it died. Tammy is glad Chewbie didn't find it first, because she likes to give Tammy the dead things she finds. Once when Chewbie was here she found a really cool dead thing outside, and Tammy was taking a nap on the floor, and Chewbie put it on her chest and started licking Tammy's hand to wake her up. When Tammy woke up she was soooooo mad! And then she went back to sleep, and Chewbie found another dead thing and put it in her hand! Chewbie is so funny! She can really push Tammy's buttons, which is fine with me, because it keeps Tammy from wanting to play with her, and I get all of the attention! I know how to work it!
Today is Mardi Gras, but the only place I got to go was to the mailbox. Big whoop. I hate it when Tammy puts my collar on me and opens the front door, and the only place we go is to the mailbox. It's quite disappointing and unfulfilling. On the upside, Tammy had the day off, and we took a nice nap together. I have thus far been a good dog today, but ah, the night is young! Ian had to film some Mardi Gras parades, and he brought me home some really cool multi-color beads. I am a Mardi Gras Pug!
There has been a disturbing twist to the whole French Bulldog scare. First let me stress to you that Ian does not like pets. He does not get all mushy inside when he sees a cute animal like Tammy does, and he would rather have a pet-free house. In fact, when I go to Puggy Heaven, Tammy has to wait as many years as I lived before she can get another pet. So, when I saw Ian surfing the web on his own looking for pictures of French Bulldogs, I got a little freaked out. He actually likes the look of this dog so much that he wanted to spend his own personal time looking for pictures of these dogs! But there is yet another twist to the story - he found that not all French Bulldogs are as cute as Miss Bridget from the dogster site. In fact, most of them are ugly! So, since there is no way to guarantee that a puppy will turn into a cutie pie like Bridget, I think I am safe. I can drop the good-boy ruse. Thank goodness! I thought I was going to go mad this weekend with all my good-boy behaviour!
OK Web Friends, the sad day has finally come when Tammy has found a dog cuter than me. I never thought it could happen, and I have been counting on my cuteness to counter my evilness for many years now, but Tammy has discovered the French Bulldog, and I am done for. She actually threatened to trade me for a French Bulldog last night. Perhaps you don't understand the seriousness of this situation, but let me assure you that I am in big trouble. Before Tammy ever saw her first Pug, she was a Cat person. She loved all things Cat and hated all things Dog. But then she had her first Pug encounter and was transformed into a Pug person. Not a dog person, but a Pug person. She loved all things Pug and hated all other things. OK, she doesn't HATE them, but she doesn't go gah-gah over them. But now she has found something she believes to be even cuter than a Pug, and my fate is uncertain. Lucky for me the French Bulldog is very expensive and there are no breeders in our area. I will keep you posted.
I have invented a new way of manipulating Tammy. I call it the "Leaping Sleep." When we are in the car going on a trip, I have to stay in the back seat, but I really want to be in the front seat sitting on Tammy's lap, pressing my claws into her legs and making her generally uncomfortable. Obviously, Tammy is not so open to this idea, but I recently came up with a way that she cannot resist me! She says I am at my cutest when I am sleeping, so I jumped from the back seat into her lap and landed in a perfect sleep! There's no waking up a cute Pug that is sleeping all snuggly and sweet! Ha! It even works when Tammy is sitting on the bed talking on the phone. You gotta guess that I am not allowed to even think about jumping on the bed, but the Leaping Sleep has changed that too!
So, Ian read my entry from yesterday, and he has a different take on the whole "Angel is a mean and evil dog" thing. He says that Angel is pure good, and I am pure evil, so when I am in her presence, she has no other choice but to behave like she does. Maybe she's trying to cast out the evil in me or something. I don't see where he is coming from though. OK, so she lays next to Tammy and lets her cuddle her and never steps on her gut or barks in her face or bites her or anything like that. Does that make her pure good? I think not - it just makes her pure boring in my opinion. So, if being evil's wrong, I don't wanna be right.
So much to blog... So little ambition.
We went to Birmingham to buy a Lexus, and we stayed with Mr. Chris's parents. They have the meanest, most evil dog ever to live. Her name is Angel, and she is a teeny tiny Pomeranian, and she hates me. She is just jealous that Chewbie and I are best friends, and she is the "third wheel" in our fun times. I was hoping we could all get along, but everytime I got anywhere near her, she would make this gremlin noise and show her teeth. She tried to bite me a couple of times, but I stayed out of her way. She really frenched me out! I don't care so much for that dog.
Despite the mean dog, Chewbie, Chris and I still had a great time. I impressed the Sheppard's with my stamina for fetch. They couldn't believe a dog could stay awake so long and play so hard! They obviously don't remember my last visit, which is strange, because I thought I left a pretty strong impression on them.
That was our last trip in Blue Car. The People traded it in on a Lexus RX300. It is a sweet ride, and apparently I am only allowed in it if I am crated in the back. We'll see how long that lasts. Tammy is too big of a push-over to let me whine in the back for too long!
I had a new visitor last night. Her name is Shana, and she is super great! She played lots of fetch with me and laughed like crazy while I puggled her! I got a couple of good licks in on her face! I love her. She is going to pugsit me while the people go to an Art Show this Spring, and I can't wait. I will have to find out when Spring is, because I have no idea what that means.
We are going to Birmingham this weekend, and Mr. Chris and the Chewb will be there! Woo-hoo! Me, the Chewb and White Dog are going to tear Birmingham up! I'll take my sleepy pill and wake up in Pug Heaven! Well, as close as I can get to Pug Heaven without Alli and Shana. I love those two girls.
I am so glad Tammy is finally almost finished with that stupid sweater she is knitting for The Baby. Don't get too excited family and friends, it's not their The Baby. The Weirdos call their friends' baby "The" baby. Anyway, she has been working on this thing for like a month or something, and it really takes away from my lovin'! Like that The Baby is going to appreciate the sweater as much as I appreciate a good game of fetch, tug or scratch my bootie!
Why is it that The People are allowed to talk as much as they want, but when I try to get a word into the conversation, I am told to shut it? Take the afternoons for example. Tammy and I watch the soap opera "Passions," and I want to talk about what is happening on the show and how stupid I think the characters are for doing what they are doing. And I say to her, "woof-woof-bark-bark" (because that's Pug language), and she yells at me and threatens to put me on the porch! I get no respect in this place. My opinion counts for absolutely nothing, and she wonders why I run off sometimes.
Speaking of that show "Passions," it is just so stupid. I can't imagine why Tammy watches it. I mean, there's not even one Pug on it! Her standards for entertainment must be pretty low.
I think I jinxed myself with that last entry when I was talking about getting a pirate eye patch, because I got another ulcer on my eye this weekend. I don't really want an eye patch! Eyeball ulcers hurt really bad.
The People are doing an Art Show in Gainesville in April, and of course I don't get to go. Surprise ... surprise ... But, their friend Flyin' Bryan is getting married that weekend, and Mr. Chris and the Chewbinator are coming down for the wedding and will be staying with me! I can't wait to see Chewbie! I'm not sure when April is, but I hope it's soon!
So last night it was raining a little bit when I was outside doing my business before bed, and the people were yelling to me to come in the house, and I was all excited and was running at them full speed ahead just like a little jack rabbit, but I didn't realize the steps were slippery when I pounced them, and I slipped and hit my chinny chin chin on the cement. It hurt really bad, and the people felt bad for me and were giving me extra lovin', even Ian! So now my chin is all scraped up, and the fur is missing. I look like a mutated freak-o dog. My hair better grow back, because the ladies aren't going to dig this look. Maybe if I add a pirate eye patch to the look I can get away with the "rough" look. That could work, but I still hope not to have to go that route.
Hello all you people. The Crazy One (Tammy) wanted me to let you all know that the date is 02-03-04. She is quite excited. She cannot wait until 05:06:07 o'clock. What a weird-o. She is always telling us when it is BOB o'clock (8:08) or her birthday o'clock, or about 3:50 o'clock. Anyway, I am just humouring her by letting you all know this. I don't want her crazy to turn on me.
Speaking of how crazy Tammy is, let's talk about how she has two personalities living in her body. I will be barking at her and she will be like, "Shut it! What do you want? You're a bad, mean dog! Why do I have a dog?! You're so mean to me!" And then like 5 minutes later she'll be telling me how cute and sweet I am and how I'm the Pug of her heart. This chick is totally crazy. I don't know why I love her so much, but I do.