I ran out of food today, and Ian went to the store to buy me some more, but they didn't have my usual kind - Lamb and Rice - so he got friggin' Beef and Rice instead. I do not eat Beef and Rice! What - are there no other stores in this entire town that could have the Lamb and Rice? He just settled for the Beef and Rice like it was no big deal! I am so ticked off. I will bark at him for the rest of the day. I'll have me some Lamb and Rice before the end of the day!
On a more different kind of note, the People finally finished their stupid X-Men video game, so I don't have to sit around watching them play that any more. However, Tammy is still knitting that sweater, and that means a subdued Pug! This hasn't been a good month. Hopefully February will be better. However, given that there is a misplaced 'r' in the spelling of that month, it doesn't look too grood. Whro pruts a silrent 'r' randromly in a word likre thart? Strupid!
Check me out. I put a new picture on the photos page. I'm just a webpage updating machine!
Ian is working somewhere again today. He left early, and I got to go in the bedroom with Tammy while she finished up her sleeping. No, Ian, I didn't get on the bed when you left. Heh heh heh ... Is that how you spell an ornery laugh??
Tammy is moving along quickly on the baby sweater she is knitting. I hope she's finished soon, because I am tired of being good. Somehow, the only thing in the world that can make me be good is when Tammy is knitting. There must be something hypnotizing about the movement of the needles in and out of the yarn that stuns my inner evil. I must annihilate these weapons of pug destruction before their effects are permanent and leave me rendered irreversibly good!
Ian went to work somewhere today, and I have had Tammy all to my self! All day long! It has been super duper. Ian works from home now too, so I never get a break from him, but today he was working with a company that does video production, and he had to go on-site for a shoot. I think he's going there tomorrow too. I kind of miss him though, but don't tell him. He'll think I'm getting soft or something and try to use it against me.
I had a freaked-out breathing attack last night that lasted about 5 minutes. Tammy was very scared. I got to put my head in the freezer ~ I saw ice cream in there. It helped a little, but didn't make it go away completely. What's up with those weird attacks? I bet some ice cream would have made it go away completely. Someone should tell Tammy that ice cream is the cure for freaked-out breathing attacks. Mmmmm.... Cherry chunk...
Happy Australia Day Mates! What the heck is Australia Day? Basically, it's a day to celebrate Australia and being Australian. I'm not Australian, and I've never been to Australia, but I like their accents and I like kangaroos, so I am celebrating anyway. And, they get the day off from work and school, and everyone knows I like a day off. I think I'll sleep 20 hours today instead of my usual 17 in honor of Australia Day!
Don't forget to check out my newly created Pug Maintenance section. It contains helpful tips for keeping your Pug well-maintained! Gotta go catch some z's!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Pug Dog Squarepants! Apparently, it is I who lives in a pineapple under the sea, and I have squarepants. Or, so Tammy says in her latest song about me. She is not sane.
Speaking of Tammy, the most worst thing ever has happened to her - she has started a new knitting project. This is worse than the computer or video games or anything else bad she does! I get absolutely no attention when she is knitting, and she knits for hours on end! At least with video games, I get the occasional pity-rub or toss of the toy while the next level is loading, but knitting doesn't have breaks, so I get no love. And Ian is absolutely no help. You'd think he would be on my side regarding this one, but no, he just sits there doing whatever he is doing while she "knits one, purls one" all the live long day! I will find her knitting and pee on it! It's happened before, and everyone knows how history repeats itself ...
Tammy is always amazed that I know what pillows are for - "my sweet little head." That woman is delusional. Yeah, I do sleep with my head on the Peoples' pillows, but it's not for comfort - it's so I can get drool all over the pillows and then laugh when I see the People putting their "sweet little heads" on them later! Yeah, I drool when I sleep ~ so what? I would sit on the pillows so my butt is later on their faces, but they caught onto that one pretty quickly. I am not allowed to sit on pillows any more. Oh well, drool is just as good!
I dookied on the kitchen floor last night. I couldn't muster up a whiz, so I had to be resourceful to keep in line with my evil resolution. Doo-doo is probably more evil than whiz anyway.
I still have friggin' fleas. Blasted fleas! Blasted cat of Gammy's! Tammy hasn't found my flea medicine yet either - I doubt she's looking very hard, because she's usually at the computer or playing a video game. Hmmm... I don't think my medicine is in either of those places. Even if it was, you probably would have found it by now! I hope the Chewb hasn't scratched herself into a leper or geoduck-tailed herself from the flea she got while she was here. She's allergic to flea bites, and she can't keep herself from scratching until she has no hair left. Poor Chewbie.
I think I may put together a "Caring for your Pug" section so people can easily find Pug Care info on my website. A Surfer in Minonk, Illinois is looking for info on cleaning their Pug's anal gland. This is a nasty chore best left to the professionals at the PetSmart. Trust me, you don't want to mess with the wrong end of the Pug! Or any other dog for that matter! (Yeah, he's pretty cool!)
I pee on the kitchen floor now. I will keep my New Year's resolution of spreading my evil this year! I know, I failed last year, because I got bored, but this year, I have so much more incentive! We watched the "Muppet Christmas Carol" again this year, and I finally understand what Scrooge meant when he said he would keep Christmas all year long. I can do that with evil too! I love those muppets - such an inspiration to us all!
It has been so cold here that I cannot even put it into words. I'm not sure being a Mountain Dog is all I thought it would be. I just wanted a friggin' goatee for pugness sake! I didn't realize I would get frozen "parts" along with the goatee! Which, by the way, The Whitola has not even knitted for me yet! I guess I'm going to have to put on my gay-dog dinosaur sweater if I'm going to survive up here. Stupid Tammy and her stupid knitting - couldn't just buy me a normal sweater from the store...
I got a bath last night, and I am soooo soft! I haven't seen any fleas today, but they may be in hiding, or there may be eggs on me that haven't hatched. Tammy can't find my topical flea medicine. I may not be allowed to go to the Gammy's any more since I get fleas from the cat. That is a bummer.
The bath has really been the highlight of my last couple days. I did pee on a box today. It was empty though, so I didn't get in too much trouble. I hung out on the deck this morning. That was nice. Other than that, nothing really notable has been going on. We still don't have an orangutan, and Tammy hasn't really mentioned it since the other day, so I have stopped my orangutan lessons. That has freed up a lot of time for me to sleep, or bark, or whatever I feel like doing. It's raining, and I'm mellow. I'm going to go nap now.
Ook! Ook oook eek, ook eeeek oook eek. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I am trying to learn "orangutan" language so I can possibly co-habitate with Tammy's baby orangutan. Let me translate, "Bananas are good! I like bananas, so give me a banana please. BANANA NOW!!!" Apparently, most orangutan language revolves around bananas. It's hard to say something in orangutan that isn't about bananas. It's like not using the letter 'e' in English. Good thing I like nanners.
I've decided to not hate the apartment so much. There are several good things about the apartment. Let me list them. First, I get to see many different people every day. In the house, I would go weeks without seeing someone other than the People. They do get boring. Second, it is not expensive to heat, so I am not cold like I was all the time in the house. Third, we are close to the Gammy, and I see her and the family many times a week. And finally, Tammy gets to work from home, which is very nice. I guess the apartment isn't that bad after all. The Elephant People have even started to quiet down a bit, probably because Tammy sings the "stomp, stomp, stomp, slam, slam, slam" song really loudly when they start acting up. She's obnoxious. Watch out, because it's contagious, kind of like Gammy's Kitty's fleas. Ouch! Stupid, biting things!! For the love of all the is puggly, give me a friggin' bath you lazy People!!
Newsflash! Tammy's latest plan is to replace me with a baby orangutan. This confirms my fear that I am actually really ugly, and Tammy only loves me because she pities me. What could be uglier than these semi-hairless freaky looking things? Not even a Frenchy, or dare to say, a "P" word dog! So, since Tammy wants to replace me with one of these things, then they must be uglier than me. Which is good, because something is uglier than me, but I don't want to be ousted! Unless I get to live with Mr. Chris, in which case, bring on the monkey! I mean, orangutan. (BTW - thanks for coming back to my site from the baby orangutan pictures.)
I peed on a bag today. Tammy walked in the room, I looked at her, lifted my leg and took a whiz! Oh yeah! Evil Norman is back and he's ready to get down to business!! No, this was not inspired by Tammy's desire to replace me with an orangutan. The "pee-pee" incident happened before we saw the show on the Animal Planet channel that had the baby orangutans on it. The truth is that the People got a new PS2 game for Christmas, and they play it too much, so I had to show them what I think of their game. Maybe I should have peed on the console instead of a bag sitting against the wall. Oh well. Ian yelled, Tammy yelled. It was over. I am hoping for something a bit more grand for tomorrow's Evil Event of the Day. I'll keep you posted if I still have Internet privileges tomorrow.
Tammy's first week back to work went well. I get to sleep under her chair, although I would rather sleep on her lap. She says I move around too much to sleep on her lap though. I think she should just deal with it and give me what I want, but that doesn't happen very often. Tammy has been working a customer issue which has taken up a lot of her time. She works a lot more now that she is working from home. That kind of sucks, because she could be rubbing my butt instead! Oh well, at least she doesn't have to go to California to help this customer. That would really suck, because then I would be home alone with Ian. He beats me. OK, he doesn't really beat me, but he doesn't cuddle me ... much ...
The Elephant People upstairs are still stomping around like ... uh ... elephants, but we are trying to adapt. We don't like them, but shooting a gun up into their apartment is not the answer. The People are looking for a house. I hope it is stinky like the old house, and has mice, but anywhere other than here will be fine too. I am tired of barking at the Elephant People upstairs. They don't seem to care much about what I have to say.
Someone in New York is looking for info on "spankings for pug dogs." How many times do I have to tell you people not to spank your Pug?? Pugs are for loving, not for beating!
Happy New Year! Uh, the day before yesterday ... I have been busy moving and trying to get adjusted to our new apartment. It kind of freaks me out. The People try to make me sleep in the kitchen, and I'm not down with it. I have ghost-dogged them every night and eventually ended up in the bedroom with them. Sure, it took them until 6:45am this morning to let me in, but I got in. I'm trying to break Ian, but he is a tough one. Anyway, although I do like being a mountain dog, I miss our house in Mobile. I got to sleep right in front of the Peoples' door, and it was nice and smelly and there were mice to play with. This place is not so fun. There are people above us in the apartment, and they like to stomp around shaking our cabinets. This freaks me out and makes me bark, which in turn freaks Tammy out and makes her yell. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Also, I have to wear a leash to go to the bathroom again. I was hoping those days were over. Tammy has to pick up my deposits with a little plastic bag, which doesn't please her either, but at least she doesn't have to wear a leash! One positive thing about the apartment is that I have a great big deck to play on! There is a really nice view from the deck, and I can see all the little people below me. It is a really nice deck, but it does not make up for the other crappy stuff going on in this place.
On an up note, Mr. Chris and the Chewb-a-lube were here for New Year's Eve and New's Year's Day. Chewbie is not so keen on the new apartment either. She made dookie on the rug in protest of the apartment, or maybe it was because she doesn't like Tammy. But, whatever the reason, she doesn't like this place either. On an upper note than I just left the previous up note, I did, in fact, get new toys for Christmas! I got a "Duckie," a "Heave a Beaver," a spearmint chew bone (because my breath is yucky), and some rawhide moccasins! It was a great Christmas!! I also got fleas from Gammy's cat again. That was not such a great present, but she is just a cat, so what else kind of present could I expect?
Tammy is going to be working from home now. That is a good thing, except it is this home she will be working from, which is not so good, but I will still get some butt rub, which is certainly good.