On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - twelve decorative doggles, eleven puggers pugging, ten necks for licking, nine lady Pugs, eight miles of milk bones, seven silly sweaters, six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
Merry Christmas Eve to you all! I had some turkey the night before last. I want a rum ball. There are presents for me under the tree! I hope I get some new toys, because my current toys are skanky, even for my taste. I am very excited and having trouble maintaining an intelligible flow of thought. I love Christmas!!
It has been cold here, but not too cold, because these People actually turn on their heater. I prefer the cold to the heat anyway, because it accentuates my pee-mail. It's kind of like having fast-access Internet, like DSL or something like that. The heat slows down the pee-mail, because all the smells mesh together - it's like dial-up that sucks - like getting connected at 12kbps. I am a nerd dog!
If I don't blog tomorrow, Merry Christmas to you Puggle searchers in Columbus-Indiana, Madison-Wisconsin, Omaha-Nebraska, Los Angeles-California, Houston-Texas, Victoria-British Columbia, Vancouver-British Columbia, Allen-Texas, Butler-Pennsylvania, Chicago-Illinois, and Franklin-Massachusetts. I hope you all get a Puggle in your stocking (and it leaves a little present at the bottom). A super special Merry Christmas to my most favourite web surfer in Bellevue, Nebraska, who stumbled upon my site one day and has been visiting regularly ever since. You are a cool one. Tammy wants me to let you all know to remember that Christmas is Jesus's Birthday, and if you're celebrating Christmas, he should be the guest of honor. I'm not allowed in Church, because Tammy says I'm disruptive, so I'll just have to take her word on this one. Anyway, Merry Christmas Eve to you all and to all a good night! (even though it's actually morning right now when I am writing this.)
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - ten necks for licking, nine lady Pugs, eight miles of milk bones, seven silly sweaters, six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
We are now living in Asheville, North Carolina, and NOT Mobile. Face. It was not a fun time moving out, cleaning everything and driving up here, and it hasn't been all that smooth now that we're here either, but things have to get better, right? The People decided that living in the Gammy's basement until we buy a house is not the best solution, so they decided to rent an apartment. The problem is that the apartment will not be ready until next Tuesday (even though yesterday the dude at the rental place said it would be ready today), and the rental truck is due back this Thursday at 8am. So, the People have to unpack everything and then pack it back up and then unload it again. This sucks for them. Luckily, I just sit around and watch them, or get caught up under their feet if I'm feeling bored, so I don't really care.
I am going to nap now, because all this listening to the People be annoyed about things is making me sleepy.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - nine lady Pugs, eight miles of milk bones, seven silly sweaters, six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
The People finally turned on the heater this morning. It was below freezing last night, and I was soooo cold. OK, so I was in my cozy nest, but my nose about froze off! The People are so cheap, they would let me die before turning on the heat. The only reason they turned it on is because Mr. Chris and Chewb-a-lewb-a-ding-dong are coming to town tomorrow, and they didn't want Mr. Chris to be cold. As you can see, they don't care about the Chewb either. Well, she does pee and puke on things, so I guess I can see their point. Not that I don't pee on things at Mr. Chris's house, but Mr. Chris is more forgiving than I could ever expect my People to be. They're mamby pamby.
Tammy is glad Lisa was voted off "The Biggest Loser" last night, because she hates the stupid shell necklace Lisa wears all the time. If you're reading this, Lisa formerly from "The Biggest Loser", get a clue. That necklace is so "a Spring Break souvenir for a 12-year-old." Tammy is a harsh critic, but at least she's straight-forward. That's how I know that I really am cute. If I wasn't, she certainly wouldn't lie to me. Well, unless I am really really really ugly. As a little girl, she always felt bad for the ugly toys, so she would play with them more to make them feel better, even though she wanted to play with the pretty toys. Cwap. I might be the really ugly toy, and Chewbie might be the really pretty toy. I hate the complexity of the minds of humans. With a dog, you sniff its butt, and you know exactly where you stand.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - eight miles of milk bones, seven silly sweaters, six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
Sorry I haven't blogged recently. I have been really busy trying to get the People to pay attention to me. They have been packing and cleaning, and I am lonely. It's a full-time job staying under their feet trying to trip them so they might accidentally give me some attention. Poor me. But on an up-note, Chewb-a-lewb and Mr. Chris are coming to Mobile this week! HOORAY!
On a less up-note, the rental agency has not fixed or replaced our refrigerator at the house, and it continues to leak oil or grease or caramel or something... I ate it. It didn't taste like caramel, but it had the consistency of caramel, so maybe it was oily caramel. Tammy "made" me eat a piece of bread when she realized I "drank" the caramel substance. I don't like crust, but she made me eat it all anyway. I guess she thought it would absorb the oil and keep me from dying. Don't bother taking me to the Vet or anything, just make up some hair-brain home remedy. I'll be just fine. Cough-cough, choke-choke. Tammy wants a Frenchy.
People in the South call their house "The House," like it's "The" only house or something. I think the only "The House" is "The White House." Silly Southerners. I wonder if North Carolina people are still considered Southerners. I guess we'll see when we get there - next week, thank you very much. FAAAAAAAAAACE MOBILE!!!!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - seven silly sweaters, six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
The refrigerator is broken, and all the food went bad. The People are annoyed. We are moving in less than two weeks (face), and now they have to deal with getting the fridge fixed while trying to pack. Appliances are supposed to be a convenience, but when they break, it is such an inconvenience that it may cancel out the convenience it was when it worked. That's why Pugs don't invent electronic gadgets. We just stick with the lick and variations of butt rubbings...
Chewbie and Mr. Chris are coming down next week to help us move. Isn't that nice of them? I can't wait to see them. I hope Mr. Chris doesn't think he's going to be really "helping" the People move. I need some fun time! I hope to gold-plate the Chewb while Tammy and Chris are at work on Friday. Hopefully, they won't come home for lunch, because I don't think she'll be finished drying by then.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - six hours of playing, five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
Shame on you, Web Surfer in Staten Island, New York, looking for info on spankings for bad pug dogs. Pug dogs are to be loved, not spanked! For shame! You should have your "license to Pug" revoked!
Tammy ran out of good boy bones this morning, so I got some good boy pecan pie. HOLY CRAP! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE EAT. It is soooooooooooo good!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - five golden Chewwwwwwwwwbs, four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
It would be so cool to gold-plate the Chewb. I would use 24kt, but Mr. Chris would probably go el-cheapo and use 10kt so he could buy more accessories for his currently deceased but about to be resurrected computer. I can't remember her name (Tyoka maybe?), but she is a pain in the pocket book. If I gold-plated the Chewb, I would have to use an airbrush, because I wouldn't want to just dip her in gold and mat her hair all down. That would not make for an attractive Chewbie sculpture. Maybe Tammy could wash her and blow dry her hair, all the while spraying her with hair spray to make her coat really fluffy. Then we could airbrush her with the gold paint. It would take a lot of coats to get a bright gold luster. Then, after she dried, I would mount her on a nice thick gold chain and Mr. Chris could wear her around his neck. It would be his gang symbol. Yo! More power to the Pom Crew! Maybe this is what I will get Mr. Chris for Christmas... Hold still Chewbie!!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - four minutes of butt rub, three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
Mr. Chris's website is down, so I get to let the big news out of the bag before him! FAAAAAACE Mr. Chris! So, here is the big news. We are moving to Asheville, North Carolina in just two weeks! If you don't live in Asheville, FAAAAAAAACE! I get to be a Mountain Pug! I'll have to grow a goatee like those Mountain Goats have. That will be way cool. So, this is why we don't get a Christmas tree this year and we had a big yard sale. We are all very excited.
The yard sale was a success! The People sold all the big stuff they didn't want to move and a lot of little stuff they didn't want to pack up! Some lucky doggie is going to be wearing my puppy harness and some other not-so-lucky doggie is going to be sleeping in my old kennel. I hated that thing ~ stupid kennel. The People tried to sell my blasted pink poncho, but no one else is cruel enough to buy it for their pup. I did not get to attend the yard sale but was locked up in the kitchen where I pooped on Tammy's car floormat. When she tried to clean it up, I stepped in it and made the mess even worse. She yelled. It was an eventful day.
On the third day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - three French peas, two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!! I just realized that this song is "The Twelve Days of Christmas," and there are actually 22 days until Christmas. I might end a little earlier than the big day.
Speaking of big days, tomorrow is the yard sale! The People are totally unprepared, like usual. They are last minute kind of people. It's been friggin' freezing here, so we'll see how long Tammy lasts outside. The yard sale officially starts at 8am, and Ian said if any "early birds" come before that he is going to refuse to sell them anything ever - even if they come back. The ballad of the yard sale is way hard core!
Mr. Chris has been keeping a secret for a couple of weeks now - good boy, Mr. Chris. Well, I just got word from Tammy that he is allowed to let it out of the bag on Monday. I had to emphasize Monday, because he has a habit of jumping the gun, and then Tammy has to beat him.
The People started wrapping Christmas presents last night! This confuses me, because we don't have a Christmas tree yet. Tammy says we're not getting a Christmas tree this year for reasons that cannot be disclosed to the public until Monday. This is a real bummer. I love the Christmas tree! The pretty lights mesmerize me and calm my evil. If I don't get this fix, I can't be held responsible for my behaviour the rest of the year!
On the second day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - two Turtle Pugs and one big brown eye!!
Derek sent Tammy some funny pictures of dogs today. I'm going to share them with you, because I don't have much to talk about. It's been cold. The People are cheapskates and refuse to turn on the heater, even though it has been like 30 degrees outside and not much warmer inside. Good thing I have a fur coat and a snuggly nest to keep me warm.
Some dogs are more portable than others. Look at him just dangling there. That's a cool Eddie dog.
Tammy wants to buy me one of these for Art Shows, but Ian said no. Big surprise. I would be so cool in one of those things - wedged between boobies with unlimited access to licking the face! That would be the life ... Sorry for saying, "boobies", Gammy. Sorry for saying it again, Gammy.
All Chewbies are beautiful flowers. At least sometimes. Chewbie likes to roll in dead stuff most of the time, but she is good looking when you clean her up. This isn't actually Chewbie, but it could be, if Mr. Chris would stop playing World of Warcraft and pay some attention to her.
It's finally December! Hooray! The Christmas month! On the first day of Christmas, my true Pug gave to me - one big brown eye! We'll see how long I can keep this up until the Big Day. I'm betting I'll get bored by the weekend, but who knows - maybe I'll surprise me.
People from Peoria, Illinois and Grafton, Wisconsin have been surfing the web because their dogs apparently have eaten some mouse poison. If your pet eats mouse poison, you need to 1 - Log off the Internet, and 2 - Call your Vet! Most Vets will come into the office after hours for about $50. Assuming your dog's life is worth more to you than $50, this is your best bet. If your Vet is a jerk and won't make the trip, open up the phone book and look for an animal hospital or call another Vet. Oh yeah, and fire your current Vet. According to that Smarty Pants Cecil Adams guy, mouse and rat poisoning are the number one most common cause of canine poisoning, followed by chocolate poisoning. Check it out. How can that guy be so smart? I think he makes it up sometimes. Anyway, here's another useful snippit from a Vet regarding what to do if your dog eats rat or mouse poison.
An America Online surfer in Chappaqua, New York has a French Bulldog with an eye ulcer. That's a shame. I know first-hand how bad eye ulcers hurt. The poor pooch can possibly lose the eye if the ulcer is severe and left untreated. My Daddy has only one eye, because he lost the other one when he developed a severe eye ulcer following a house fire. The Vet will rob you blind (no pun intended) to fix your dog's eye, because he will probably require 3-5 follow up visits to "check the progress of the healing". I have been through this three times now. Tammy was not pleased with the bills.
Mr. Chris has been playing World of Warcraft (I think that's the name of it), and he hasn't updated his blog in a long time. What a loser. I don't care what's going on in his life anyway. I just hope he's still feeding, watering and walking the Chewb. I predict another heartworm epidemic for the Chewb as a result of this game!