Tammy says to me today, "I need you to calm down and quit being a freak. Can you do that?" And I say to her, "Yeah, I can do that. But I won't." She's so silly. Calm down and quit being a freak, my butt! Tammy has been working way too much lately. Her brain must be turning to mush.

I was thinking about that turtle I ate the other day, and I have to tell you, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't green. I really expected it to be green, but it wasn't. It was kind of like dark-meat chicken brown. What's up with that? Everyone knows turtles are green! It was good and all, but it would have been cooler had it been green. I guess I could leave it laying around on the porch for a couple weeks - then it would turn green. It probably wouldn't taste as good though.

Tammy says the new house has neighbor dogs on both sides. She is trying to entice me to move into the new house with her and Ian. I don't know that "neighbor dogs" are really going to do it for me though. She needs to add something sweeter to the deal.

And my lack-of-bath rantings of yesterday did NOT get me a bath today. I still smell like Fritos.

So, which one of you sold my email address to the spamvertisers? I have been receiving mucho spamo every day for the "new accounts" I have opened every where from Wal-Mart to some other places I can't quite remember the names of right now. Stop it! I don't want your credit cards! OK, I really do want them, but as soon as these places find out I'm a dog, they take the offers back. How rude.

I ate a turtle the other day. OK, actually, I just ate some turtle the other day. Granny and Grandaddy came up for a visit from Florida and brought some turtle with them, and we ate it. It was turtle legs to be more specific. It tasted like chicken.

I love Granny. I wish I could go home with her, but her dog, Tandy, doesn't like me. He's intimidated by my pugliness. Granny gives me bites of her food, takes me on walks, and just generally enjoys my company. Granny is super great.

This week, in my Mountain Dog training, I learned two things. One of the things is good, and one is bad. First the good thing. Mountain Dogs get to bark a lot. We are the protectors of the mountain, so if we hear a noise that is even slightly suspicious, we are allowed to bark our heads off! It's great. The other thing is not so great. Mountain Dogs do not get baths very often. As a result of this, I currently have a strange corn chip odor. Yes, I smell like Fritos. It is weird. I want a bath. Does that make me any less of a Mountain Dog? I am only in training after all, maybe we could ease into this "no bath" thing a little more slowly.

The People are closing on our new house next Friday. This is exciting news, but I think I would prefer to stay here at the Gammy's house. Our new house has a fence, and it's in a neighborhood, not on the side of a mountain, so I can't really be a Mountain Dog there. I have to think about this more. I don't want to give up my mountain. Who knows what will happen without me here to protect it!

Mr. Chris needs to eat slower. Hopefully this story will teach him to chew his food 30 times before swallowing.

The People made an official offer on our new house today, and signed some papers at a lawyer's office. I am getting very excited now!

The People think they have found our house! I am kind of excited, but kind of not, because I really like living at the Gammy's house. Our hopefully new house looks all plain and 60's ranch on the outside, but the people who lived there before fixed it all up nice to look like an arts and crafts kind of house on the inside. The arts and crafts scene is cool here in Asheville, I guess. Dogs don't really "do" art, so I can't say for certain how accurate that statement is. Anyway, the house has a fireplace and hardwood floors, and a great big enclosed sunroom for our hot tub! Not that I will be allowed in the hot tub, but you know, I will at least get to benefit from the therapeutic steam it will produce. There is also a big bonus room that does not have nice hardwood floors that will make a perfect darkroom! So, the People are really happy, and I will try to be happy for them, but every fiber of evil in my body is struggling against it.

I have been the laziest blogger ever! Actually, I have just been so busy having fun at the Gammy's house that I kind of forgot about my blog. Sorry to all who have been expecting a post.

I have been secretly wishing for my own little boy to play with for a while now. Well, this weekend I got one, for a couple days at least. His name is Caden, he is four, and he is the cutest little boy ever! He wore me out though, and having him around for a day changed my stance on wanting my own little boy. I could never keep up with him. Well, maybe I could have in the days of my youth - you know, a year ago, but not now that I am approaching my middle-aged years. It was fun for about an hour and a half though!

The People are still looking for a house with no luck. I am keeping my paws crossed that they never find one, because it is so much fun here at the Gammy's! We get a lot of visitors, and I always have someone new to sniff! And, they have a kitty that likes to play crazy jungle cat games with me! I also get to run around loose like a wild mountain dog, although Tammy is never far behind yelling, "Norman, no! Get back here!" I don't listen to her much though. She's getting used to it.

I will try to keep my blog more up-to-date this month so you all know what kind of crazy things a wild mountain dog does with his time. The mountains are cool.

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